Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Clubbing Taipei 2015 Intro and Prefresher

Fall brings a heavy load of new arrivals to Taiwan's universities and buxibans, so it's a good time to brush up on the fundamentals of clubbing. What are the true things about Taipei's club scene? Where are the good clubs in Taipei? What are the basics for making sure you have a good night out?

First of all, forget everything you have read on the internet which makes Taiwan seem like a clubbing paradise. While what you have read may once have been true, things have changed a lot in the last year after an incident involving a death outside of one of the city's nightclubs. Don't be surprised if the police show up during your night out - it's far more common with the public safety concerns raised by the incident last fall. While it is a mood kill, be nice to them - they're just doing their job and it makes everything go far smoother.

The Harsh Truth:


Men, Taiwanese girls are not easy and just because they're dressed well, doesn't mean they're looking for sex. Unless you're model quality, that probably goes double for not wanting it with you. You should not employ the method of grabbing women at the club to get their attention. How many women in the west would tolerate being manhandled by a stranger and not call the police? While you're likely not going to get slapped with a restraining order, it's still incredibly rude. If you came to hook up with women, it's safe to say you picked the wrong island. The one you want is called Australia where the bulk of the world's 18 – 30 year olds are having an incredible time partying and making “bad” choices together. Move there ASAP if your primary goal is finding sexually aggressive Asian women, because you're much more likely to find them there than here. With VERY few exceptions the guys who claim to have been picking up 200 women a year did it while even our staff of dedicated Formosians was still writing our SAT's. A lot has changed, so get with the new program to avoid looking like a total douche.

Women, Taiwanese guys have a lot more substance than flashing bills and pretending to be American hipsters. They do have different expectations then western men, but instead of assuming anything you should just make your own intentions clear – that way it's not your fault if something goes wrong. Local women are not all looking at you because they hate you, they're looking at you because they just like to look. You're looking back, so it's all good, right? As for complaints about the local women being catty and judgmental, there are certainly a group of women in the world who are very snotty – not just in Taipei - but most people are actually pretty nice when you talk to them instead of stare aggressively.

For everyone, you're not the first people to move to Asia, so stop acting like other foreigners are somehow impinging on your life. If you're out having a good time at the same place another foreign person is, it is just senseless to be rude for no reason. You picked the same spot to have fun as them so you already have something in common, right? Please stop the machismo B.S. and actually behave like the smart and fun people you're currently only pretending to be.

The night club is a terrible spot to fight. Not only will you be unhappy when you get punched in the face, you'll be doubly unhappy once security gets their hands on you. No one wants to party with over aggressive people anyway, so relax and enjoy your time out.

Don't drink too much at the all you can drink spots, and other advice on this blog suggests you stick to the beers if you can. Don't puke in the clubs or they'll make you pay to clean it up, and then probably boot your sorry ass out. Plus if you're outside puking, everyone will be laughing at you out of ear shot and talking about how gross you are. Unless it's entirely accidental, at some point you need to cut yourself off from the booze to maintain your self respect. And just saying...earlier is probably better.

If you're planning to make new friends, don't dress like a slob. Guys, shaving helps if you want to meet women, and this is said as from someone who is a STRONG advocate for beards. Dressing like a 2000's dirty south rapper is also probably not a smart way to have a great night of making friends.

If you're at Family Mart around the Vieshow Cinemas, don't give your receipts to the lurkers outside the front door. Without going into too much detail, while it may seem nice to give people a chance to win some money, the lurkers are insanely aggressive and my friends have reported one of them to the police for theft. Keep the receipts and stuff them in the boxes for real charities, not people who would make Lady McBeth seem shy.

Where to go, and what is good:


All of the clubs are all good if you go with friends, have some drinks, and dance till you drop. They're all bad if you're expecting to meet the love of your life, won't be satisfied without a one night stand, or want to have a deep conversation. If you're not expecting anything, the worst that happens is you blew some money on the cover charge and walked out empty handed. The days of “sure things” are OVER.

Also, what you think is good and I think are good are probably not the same thing. So the best idea is to scour for a consensus opinion.

If you want to know what's the best club in TPE on your night out? Look at the Facebook page of the club you want to go to, see if there is a special event. If not, get out a little early and talk to people pre gaming nearby - especially around 101 - and ask what the scene is like inside. Ask about other clubs they like, or just make friends. The trend is to get to parties around 12 – 1230, stay till the good times die, usually around 3, so don't rush anything.

The following list isn't exhaustive, but if you hit up everything here, you've done a fair amount of your own research. There are also tons of good places to go that aren't listed here, and just because it's here DOES NOT mean it's endorsed in anyway. To avoid liability of an implied negative review through exclusion, if your club is not listed here, please send a message with the details and it will be added.

Omni used to be called Luxy, it's at Zhongxiao Dunhua MRT. It's not all you can drink.
Myst is in ATT4Fun. It's not all you can drink and they took the waterfall out in favor of tables.
18 is next to LMNT in the basement of NEO19. It's not all you can drink.
Babe 18 is near in the basement of the VieShow cinema annex building, under a pedestrian bridge. All you can drink.
Electro is in ATT4Fun, used to be called Spark. Not all you can drink.
Hive is in ATT4Fun, next to Starbucks. Except special events is all you can drink.
Lava is in NEO19, entrance is next to the main door of the mall. Sometimes all you can drink.
BOX is next to starbucks at GuTing Station. All you can drink.
Halo is in ATT4Fun. Not all you can drink.
Wave is in ATT4Fun. All you can drink.
M2 is now open in Neo19. Open on “off” party days.
Brass Monkey (Thursdays) is club-like. Not all you can drink.
Gene Taipei is across from the KFC and Nanjing/Fuxing intersection. All you can drink.

Pasoul and Asia are in the Living Mall, and while the mall's city-wide party presence has declined reports are there are good times to be had if you have the right attitude.

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